Wednesday Love Letters: Where is the Love?

Where do I sit, you ask? Amongst several tens of human beings otherwise known as hipsters, in the wee hours of an afternoon spent at a coffeeshop listening to shitty alternative music.

After being here in Austin for two weeks, I'm beginning to feel the longing of social interaction and real authentic intellectual conversation. But realize, how far can conversation go without feeling empty at some point. Where does it all go with all our romanticized conversations at coffeeshops? Nowhere really, except making fond memories perhaps for our bank readily available for us while we sift through the internet looking for our career jobs.

I certainly am in a 21st. century communication breakdown with society-at-large. I must confess, I am one of the few left who prefers calls than texts. Sometimes to an annoying fault, that I sometimes feel a few more attempts at calling someone must be taken for extra precaution. Lord knows that the person on the receiving end of my phone calls must think I'm being excessive.

Nevertheless, if I reach out and actually get ahold of someone,things just plainly fall short of expectation. Plans fall through, people live their selfish lives looking for meaning or no meaning at all and strive to be on the surface "kind". Knowing full well this bit of information, I am just going to go away for awhile.

//

The long line for tacos persists because we crave sensations enough to pay, but not enough to enjoy human interaction. If there is any sort of interaction, it is short, quick and succint to make a point, filled only with vague eye glances to makeup our current preocupation with others.

Maybe I'm losing a grip of reality. The overall lack of empathy and feeling from others is starting to rub off. Yet violence persists to dominate our newsfeed, as people tend to crave dangerous bits of new information amidst their normal lives yet contribute nothing meaningful to bring about the change we wish to see in our culture. As panic spreads, it creates a way to cause for fleeting concern for the "sheeple". But is anyone really concerned? Or are we just looking to be comfortable?

This recollection of the past two weeks in Austin has made me feel a certain zeitgeist in the air. It's one that constantly seeks God knows what on a "device containing a 2.79 by 5.65 inches screen" (aka cell phones) level. As our neck & shoulders collapse and creates more stress for the masses (myself included), I'm trying to find a way to break through this matrix of a world we live in. I'm writing to tell you, how I think we should seek to get out of these habits.

As much as information is power, the quantity is overriding our human experience and dulling the quality of our senses. Yet, we still have things to buy and places to see. The thought becomes neverending, when is enough experiences enough to satisfy the hungry heart & soul? Who are we trying to please?

Our fleeting minds can't grab onto even our own thoughts, it hurts.

At what expense do we live our comfortable lives? What's our great contribution to society, or are we just consumers? These are questions with honest answers within themselves. Answers that have created a deep conflict within me. I want to reach out and scream yet that would go against social convention. But what the hell is our social conventions leading us to? I feel less human and I wonder if anyone cares.

I want to love, but there is no one that I see here on Earth that is ready. I want to give, but there seems to be no opportunity given to my hands as an offering. I want to talk to you, but it looks like no one is ready to sit at the table.

And to those who say, "have patience..."

I've spent a lot of time working on myself, and yet couldn't tell you the last time I had something authentically & radically real. The few people I do love and care about, are here in my life and maybe that should be enough. And perhaps my scope is too wide and far reaching for people to really grasp, but I keep falling short. I want someone to shake me and wake me from this dull and flattened state of existence and say hey let's take a walk together and live.

I'm living with people who don't know how to express honestly how they feel. The people who are afraid of what they might say. The few who will read this know that all too well that reading one of my texts, messages and calls will be ignored just like this message too. And I offer a sincere fuck you.

I'm starting a new chapter. It's seriously time to let go of those who don't give a damn about your time here on Earth. I require someone willing to step through the fire and actually take responsibility of being human, for once in their life. This seems so radical but yell, kick and scream and be upset if you read this. Spread the family gossip and reunion small talk. But it won't compare to actually getting to the root of your existence and actually giving a damn about someone.

We are caught up in a war against ourselves. It seems like identity politics and our polarizing parties are at odds with each other, and is continually perpetuated within our social media platforms. And it just isn't getting any better. Welcome to 2018 in the Divided States of America.

Just when you think you can march, hold a town hall, there are disagreements that provide a deepening wide gap of connections with each other.

Now you can know everything there is to know in this world. Have your life figured out and have some sort of struggle enough to make me think we have something in common such as the human condition. But the only way you can love and experience intimacy with yourself, people, nature, God and all things underneath our sky... The only way you're finding that one out is by giving it a shot. You certainly won't learn it from me. Even if I did know, I wouldn't tell a pissant like you.

Timing is never right, but do not look for time to solve your problems. If you see me, don't reach out and try to help. I'm not looking for sympathy, I'm looking for the truth.

I can keep rambling but I'll leave you with a thought provoking block quote from Robin Williams character "Sean" talking to Matt Damon's Character "Will" at a park bench in the Boston Commons in the film Good Will Hunting about the human experience:

"I'd ask you about love, you'd probably quote me a sonnet. But you've never looked at a woman and been totally vulnerable. Known someone that could level you with her eyes, feeling like God put an angel on earth just for you. Who could rescue you from the depths of hell. And you wouldn't know what it's like to be her angel, to have that love for her, be there forever, through anything, through cancer. And you wouldn't know about sleeping sitting up in the hospital room for two months, holding her hand, because the doctors could see in your eyes, that the terms "visiting hours" don't apply to you. You don't know about real loss, 'cause it only occurs when you've loved something more than you love yourself. And I doubt you've ever dared to love anybody that much. And look at you... I don't see an intelligent, confident man... I see a cocky, scared shitless kid. But you're a genius Will. No one denies that. No one could possibly understand the depths of you. But you presume to know everything about me because you saw a painting of mine, and you ripped my fucking life apart. You're an orphan right?"

[Will nods]

Sean: "You think I know the first thing about how hard your life has been, how you feel, who you are, because I read Oliver Twist? Does that encapsulate you? Personally... I don't give a shit about all that, because you know what, I can't learn anything from you, I can't read in some fuckin' book. Unless you want to talk about you, who you are. Then I'm fascinated. I'm in. But you don't want to do that do you sport? You're terrified of what you might say. Your move, chief."

Your move, chief.