Ten O'Clock Thoughts

Sometimes I can feel my heart bursting
I want to be near you
That is not possible now
Here in my thoughts
I carve out the boundaries of what is and never could be
And the room is getting smaller and smaller
I'm jumping up and down and no one is here
Maybe that is okay
I was just watching the world's game pass by
And I wonder if I could ever be enough for this pale blue dot
These are the sleepless nights, the ten o'clock thoughts
The ones we soon forget about
When we wake up, if ever we do, we calm the senses with a bit of a view
From a familiar face, that somehow keeps us going
And you are so far away
What am I supposed to do? Just love myself?
That is awfully painful, isn't it? Then again I don't know how to hug myself
Maybe this is why I want to travel so much
We carry a guileless smile, and can't pretend how
We arrived at the feeling of nowhere
It's okay if you're in Brazil, in New York, across the Indian ocean
Somehow I still believe I would be able to hold you in my arms
and listen to your stories
The mind couldn't comprehend
The heart would slow
I would stop jumping up and down so
And join you on the couch while you pretend to hold the universe together
Maybe I am already here
I am in love
And I love you comes second
To start infinity again: that is why I do not love you yet
The keys are beneath my feet and I want to pick them up
I would like very much so to put them in my hand
To a future of joy, I must suffer now
My back aches after I pick up the keys
And that is okay with me
Some things are worth suffering for
That would be enough to stop seeing the ticking clocks and know I am in a dream
Then, maybe, somehow I could find some sleep