naked in A confusion room

Photograph of my best friend Steven and his girlfriend Julie. Circa Christmas 2020, NYC, Museum of Modern Art. Courtesy of Fujifilm X-T2

naked in A confusion room

I haven't wrote in several days
But I still feel the same way

When I left my breath in the cold
Evening, I stayed... thinking about her
How do you know that this love will grow old
And within the blur, a moment is telling you no

And I wonder how you think about we,
sometimes
And I wonder if it's meant to be, alright
When I thought your answer would be
Something besides
Maybe

I forgot to blink and my eyes swell up with tears
Stained on my long sleeve
Man I hope that these
feelings leave me
I need to
break free

But where no one has gone before
Will i be left all alone?
Carrying a love without a home

When you love someone but the love doesn't bounce back
Fruit loops full of questions stew with bowls of milk of what to do about that

I remember
Living without a care
I want to go and stare at the rearview
& reminisce for the few true
Moments of bliss & the timings we miss
Kisses had with blue hats so sad
Without the Mrs.
That it all went so bad
Would anyone notice?
Everything around me seems out of focus
Out of touch, out of reach and the only sound
That seems to be feeding me

Is my thoughts of her while i spot i
Finally find a playlist that takes over my mind
Lo-fi

A beat begins to say this and that
A stirrer that stirs my milkshake is as good as my
Photograph that recovers from the blur of all of that
Tongue that licks sensations
The deliciousness
Of feeling something amazing

This like my play
on words
Phonetic sounds absurd
That you heard

But when no one really wants to say it
I can't believe everyone has been faking
Mistaking each other for the mask
A reality time reaches to grasp

The profundity of my lies
I can no longer lie
here thinking
Of chemical reactions
that damage my faction
Dividing us like fractions in a long second blinking

And my people
Why does my heart sink reaching for the chalice and the feeble
Minded around me watch while I drink the cup
of blood and crushed veneer
& i wonder about what's going on here
Endangered ginkgo I see everywhere
A reminder of where we'd go, and your love changing seasons
What about the water and the sun that came to change your reasons

How you think about me, sometimes
And i wonder if it's meant to be alright
And if these feelings will ever subside
My belief is about to cry and yell outside
Humbly knowing there is no room left to hide