I Don't Know
In this way, I dedicate this to all human beings. A confession of all the reckonings in these lines
I don't know what I am doing anymore.
And Yes, this is not a poem.
A stream of consciousness, maybe
A retelling of one of the many zeitgeists
A feeling that I am untroubled to say
Am not alone in feeling
My fortune cookie reads today:
"Always accept yourself the way you are."
And what if I don't want to?
What if I see a tide shifting permanently
In a new direction?
The Cerulean blue shade above
Is covered with grey and water flows from her pillows
My kitten finding a new perch to look about the tears
On the window sill, endlessly confessing
I am directionally challenged
With no map, no road to walk upon
I reach down to grab the fine soot
And throw it against the zephyr
Nothing sticks, nothing remains the same
Faith is a heavy fog with light all around
Only an umbrageous self lies still
Amidst the collapse of our economies, our ideals
The only questions I have are
Why?
What am I looking for?
What's my practice going to look like?
How to regard this precious human life
One has to find refuge
Retreat and go to the mountain
Go to the waters
Let all that needs to wash over you
Wash itself clean and begin again
This is my plan.
To take the time necessary to write.
Feel what needs to be felt.
Spill the wine and belly laugh with friends.
To go away for awhile.
Pray to my God.
And to nourish the soul back with full amends.
Love
Serve
Remember
To be in accordance with the source of all goodness
To look into ultimate nature of us and all that is around
To see how love teaches us: that to love is a conscious choice
Away from the bittersweet distractors
Preach with your actions and service
Without a single sound
Without an utterance
Don't let your left hand know what your right hand is doing
Remember all that is and all that has gone before you
To nourish and mold who you are today
Rejoice and be glad that loving kindness is a reality
Worth living into; because it is what surrounds us and binds us
In this way, I don't know what I am doing
But I trust everything will be okay in divine time
In this way, I dedicate this to all human beings
A confession of all the reckonings in these spirited lines